Everyone keeps saying that I need to get over it. Everyone assumes that all this is just about Zach. And it’s not. It’s everything. It’s that I don’t get to see my baby brothers grow up. It’s that my nephew turns one next month. It’s that I have absolutely no friends here. It’s that my mother abandoned me for her boyfriend. It’s that Zach left and never looked back. It’s that I lost Heather. Its that i can’t hop in the car, drive for five minutes and be at Kaitlyn’s house. It’s that a year ago this was not how I saw my life. And I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that one day it’ll get better. But I would really like to know why all of this happened. I can’t see the good because there is none. Every thing sucks and I can’t figure out how to make it not suck. I’m tired of being this way. The more I try to pretend I’m okay, the worse the break down is. I spent 16 years in a place I hated and longed to get out of. Now that I’m out, it doesn’t feel any better. And I’m afraid that it’s not the places I’ve been and the things that have happened. I’m afraid that it’s me.